absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
