I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize