It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
