My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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