I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
