today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
