He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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