Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
