he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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