I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
