I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
