Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
