He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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