OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Randomize
