Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
