No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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