last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
