i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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