Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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