At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
