My Higher Power is John Stamos
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
