From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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