Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize