I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
