your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
