He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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