; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
