Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
