I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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