Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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