I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
