it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
