He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
