I hate all girls vehemently.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
