I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
