so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
do nipples grow back?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
