We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
