We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
