Tell her she can't have a vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
