Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
