im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
