Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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