you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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