If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
