This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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