Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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