I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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