Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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