I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
