nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
