I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
