Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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