as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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