I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
