I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
