In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
