So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
