It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
