I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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