i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
