How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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