There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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