My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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