Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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