We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
