Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
