You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
