Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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