I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You are the jesus of drinking
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
