Can Purell be used as lube?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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