you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
