apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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